Author: tyler

Pic: First: Flat Earthers. Then: 9/11 Truthers. Now: Downtown Billings Deniers. Billings, MT

Crises from yesterday averted, I had some time to explore the area. I added Montana to the list of states in which I’ve played poker and visited the Yellowstone Art Museum. I sort of expected it to be the ((Yellowstone art)) museum, but it was just the Yellowstone ((art museum)). Still, it had been a while since I looked at a random collection of modern art and YAM had some cool pieces.

Pic: Colstrip: Sweetheart of the Rodeo by Walter Piehl. Yellowstone Art Museum, Billings, MT

Pic: Surprisingly thoughtful for motel art. Best Western Clocktower Inn, Billings, MT

As I neared Cody and entered the range of mobile internet unswamped by millions of tourists uploading blurry photos to InstaTwitBook[1], my phone blew up with emails, texts, and voicemails from my credit card company. I called them back and confirmed that I did not try to buy over $100 of goods and services from a gas station in Oakland whilst backpacking in Wyoming. They closed the account and promised to expedite a new card to me, which would be a bit of a trick since I was a thousand miles from my mailing address and planned to be in the woods for at least four of the next seven days.

While I pondered my next move, I discovered that my cigarette-lighter-to-usb adapter had failed — no more charging my phone while on the go.

Finally, the first thing I did upon settling into my room was drop my laptop and break the touchpad.

The good news about these routine annoyances of modern life was that they hit at a lucky time — while I was in Billings, a bustling metropolis of more than 100,000 people and a Best Buy.

Best Buy sold me a $9 USB mouse and a new cigarette lighter adapter, but neither they nor Office Depot nor Home Depot carried screwdrivers for the annoyingly tiny and non-standard screws Apple used to keep my laptop together. The nearest Apple Store was in Salt Lake City, so I went to a place called Simply Mac, an Apple Premier Partner, where I learned the following:

• Apple doesn’t allow anyone but Properly Anointed Technicians to use their magic screwdrivers
• The only Properly Anointed Technician in this store was out until Tuesday
• When the Properly Anointed Technician was available, he would charge me $70 just to open the case

I said thanks but, simply, no thanks. This store ended up closing in January 2017, by the way.

Fortunately, the fine folks of Best Western Clocktower Inn Billings were happy to receive a package for me; they would even hold it while I was off in the Beartooths. I added a tiny screwdriver set and a refurbished trackpad to the credit card already being sent to my mom. She would collect everything and send it to the hotel, where it would be waiting for me upon my return to town.

 

[1] Present company excluded only because I stopped trying to upload photos after I was unable to do so while literally standing next to the cell tower on top of Mt. Washburn (five bars, no data).

Pic: Old Faithful and audience. Yellowstone NP, WY. Larger image

On the way out, I caught one more performance from Old Faithful. Still cool but I was content to watch this one from the back, further from the crowds.

Though I’d managed to see everything on my Yellowstone todo list, I was forced to stop for one last photo op on my way to a few hotel nights in Billings:

Pic: Isa at Isa Lake. Yellowstone NP, WY

Pic: Check my shirt. Old Faithful, Upper Geyser Basin, Yellowstone NP, WY

A million years ago, my mom bought me a t-shirt bearing a witty double entendre: “Old Faithful BLOWS 16 times daily”. Today, that shirt fulfilled its destiny.

“Did anyone ask you about it?” my mom inquired when I sent her this picture. Even though I wore it all day, all around Old Faithful, the only person who commented was the woman I asked to take this photo. This is what she said: “Hey, you’ve got an Old Faithful shirt!”

As I sat and waited for the obligatory Old Faithful viewing (which, to be fair, was definitely impressive and worth the stop), I noticed that a lot of folks had brought their 2-8 year old children to see the geyser. Even in a world without pocket-sized supercomputers and on-demand high-definition media, this seemed like a hard sell: let’s sit here quietly and stare at a plume of steam for five or ten or twenty-five minutes until a kinda cool thing happens for three minutes and then it’s just over. No thanks, mom.

Pic: Morning Glory Pool. Upper Geyser Basin, Yellowstone NP, WY

Pic: Daisy Geyser. Upper Geyser Basin, Yellowstone NP, WY

The govenment organizations responsible for our public lands aren’t always the most tech-savvy. The National Park Service makes a valiant effort, however, to communicate estimated geyser eruption times. In addition to whiteboards in ranger stations and near popular geysers, a telephone number with a recorded message, and links to geysertimes.org, the park service also provides information via that quintessentialy 2010s mechanism: a smartphone app.

Through a combination of these methods, I learned that Daisy Geyser was scheduled to erupt while I was nearby. A twenty minute wait yielded a fine geyser performance in a more intimate setting than I expected with Daisy’s more famous cousin down the road.

Pic: Sapphire Pool. Biscuit Basin, Yellowstone NP, WY

The beauty of sleeping at Mallard Lake was that an 11 mile loop would allow me to explore Biscuit Basin, Midway Geyser Basin, and Upper Geyser Basin at my leisure before returning to the lake for night two. Instead of worrying about parking spots and traffic, I could focus on hiding from thunderstorms and getting back to the tent in time to make ramen before dark.

But seriously folks, this three-mile-long section of the park boasts so many geological peculiarities that the best way to appreciate it is on foot. Having somewhere nearby to sleep was just icing on the geothermal cake.

Pic: What on Earth? Vol. 2. This Smithsonian article explains the science and includes better pictures from days when it wasn’t hailing. Grand Prismatic Spring, Yellowstone NP, WY

A little sleepy from my early morning, I took a nap in a quiet area of the Canyon Village parking lot. Dirtbag achievement unlocked!

I had saved arguably the best — and decidedly the busiest — section of the park for last: the Old Faithful area. I waited for the late afternoon, hoping to swoop in quickly and avoid crowds while leaving enough time to see Fountain Paint Pots, Terrace Springs, and Grand Prismatic Spring before backpacking 3 miles and 900′ to Mallard Lake for the night.

The plan worked pretty well, except I misjudged a band of clouds and ended up visiting the mind-bending Grand Prismatic Spring in the middle of a hailstorm. The ambient humidity shrouded the warm, colorful pool in fog which looked cool but obstructed the view. I was told that the best perspective is from the top of a nearby hill but that the trail and overlook were closed for a much-needed redesign. Regardless, the striking rainbow colors made Grand Prismatic one of the coolest natural phenomena I have ever seen.

Pic: From now on, you may now refer to me as Your Excellency. Yellowstone NP, WY

Waking up while it’s still dark sucks (I’m sure the eight or so groups sleeping within 50 yards of me as I struck camp thought so as well), but it was worth it since I SAW WOLVES!

There is a group of hearty folks who hike out to a ridge in Lamar Valley every morning at dawn, set up spotting scopes, and look out across a stream bed busy with bison, pronghorn, and sandhill crane to a slope 1.3 miles away where a family of gray wolves lives. Devotees share intel using local landmarks: “Left of the Lone Tree, just before the Two Trees, above the Light Patch…” “There she is!”

I stood behind the line, trying to follow along using a cheap pair of hand-me-down binoculars (thanks Beth!), but it was hopeless. Fortunately, the spotting scope crew was extremely gracious in sharing the view: “Anyone want to see the wolves?” was almost as regular an announcement as location information on the animals.

I waited for a turn and was rewarded with an incredibly rare spectacle: wild wolf pups playing on a hillside. It was impossible not to compare these animals to modern domesticated dogs as I watched the six month-olds chase their tails and wrestle while their mother moved calmly but watchfully from a sunny spot in front of the den to the shade of a nearby lodgepole pine.

I chatted with a few of the wolf spotters as I squinted into their viewfinders. First, a retired couple living out of their RV in Gardiner. They came out most mornings to watch the wolves.

Then, I talked with a soft-spoken ranger in his 50s. I asked him about Gene the Camp Host’s claim that “wolves don’t belong in Wyoming.” He talked about the wolf’s PR problems (Gene had called them “killing machines”), their role in keeping elk and sheep herds healthy by culling weak animals, compensation programs available for ranchers, and Decade of the Wolf. Underlying this conversation was the fact that we were surrounded by tourists who had travelled hundreds or thousands of miles to be in this spot, seeing Yellowstone’s wildlife in general or these wolves in particular. This is both a political and an economic argument for why wolves are important.

On the other hand… “Do you eat beef?” I asked.

“I do.”

“Me too. It seems like there should be a way to have wolves and ranchers.”

As the day heated up, the wolves retreated to the cool of their den. On the other side of the creek, their fans packed up and did the same. I said goodbye to the retired couple — the ranger was talking wolves with some new arrivals — and headed back to the car. I didn’t get far before my new ranger friend flagged me down and handed me a Wolf Ambassador pin. It’s a cheap souvenir intended for children[1] but I continue to wear it proudly as a reminder of a morning I will always cherish, spent with the wolves of Yellowstone.

 

[1] Not that I’m above such a thing.

Pic: What on Earth? Palette Spring. Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone NP, WY

Yellowstone is so gigantic that after five days I had barely made a dent — and had yet to see the park’s most famous feature. So, recharged from a few nights in a soft bed, I went back for seconds. With the 4th of July holiday weekend approaching, I walked into the backcountry office with some anxiety.

“This might be a stupid question but… are there any backpacking sites available this week near Old Faithful?”

Clickity-click. “No problem. How’s Thursday and Friday night?”

Boom!

That left me one night to fill. I was headed back toward Gardiner to scout for something in the neighboring National Forest when I noticed something wrong with the sign by Mammoth Campground: it didn’t say CAMPSITE FULL.

I made a hasty left, parked near the entrance, and approached the camp host.

“This might be a stupid question but… do you have a site for tonight?”

“Yup, we’ve got a few.”

Boom!

Sleeping arrangements arranged, I was free to splash around in the Gardner River[1] where I met this handsome fellow:

Pic: Terrestrial gartersnake. Gardner River, Yellowstone NP, WY

Then I explored the famous Mammoth Hot Springs, where I met this other handsome fellow:

Pic: Bullsnake. Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone NP, WY

And these otherworldly (there’s that word again) formations:

Pic: Seriously: What on Earth? Minerva Terrace. Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone NP, WY

Readers may be asking themselves something that feels like a stupid question: what on Earth is happening at Mammoth Hot Springs?

As is often the case in Yellowstone, the answer is a unique combination of geology, chemistry, and biology. The terraces, stark white when uncovered, are travertine — dissolved and re-deposited limestone. The rich oranges and browns are mats containing billions of thermophilic bacteria and illustrate the different temperatures of magma-heated water welling up from below[2].

 

[1] The nearby town is named Gardiner but the river is spelled Gardner in most (but not all) sources. /shrug

[2] This My Yellowstone article has a good summary.