Day 011a: Room with a View

Pic: Tucupit Point from Middle Fork Taylor Creek, Zion NP, UT

INT. KOLOB CANYONS VISITOR CENTER – DAY

Tyler approaches the information desk:

TYLER

Hi, do you know why Lava Point Campground is closed?

RANGER

[without hestitation] Snow.

TYLER

… Let me show you a picture

***

I took Taylor Creek Trail up to Double Arch Alcove. It was cool — cathedral ceilings dripping with moisture — but busy and loud. I continued up the middle fork of Taylor Creek, met a guy on his way out who pointed me to a cute mini slot canyon with a dribble of a waterfall, and finally discovered my own private amphitheater where I enjoyed lunch sheltered from the afternoon sun and with a view of sheer orange cliffs. On the way back down, I encountered a trio of women in their 50s headed up the creek bed.

“Are you a mountain man?” is how they greeted me.

“Well these are mountains and I am a man so… sure?”

They wanted to know what lay ahead. I told them about the cute mini slot canyon and my lunch spot and wished them good luck.

Day 010b: Do Not Pass Go

Pic: Do not collect $200. Virgin, UT

Derek from St. George didn’t have firsthand knowledge of camping options near the Kolob Canyons section of the park I planned to visit the next day. He had BLM maps of the area, but they weren’t entirely clear about where camping was allowed (where does the “lowland zone” end and the “upland zone” begin?) nor about which roads Isa would find passable. I thought I might ask for advice at the ranger station, but after a late start in the morning, a short hike in the afternoon, and an early dinner at the only restaurant in La Verkin, I arrived at the Kolob Canyons Visitor Center to find it closed.

It took some exploring but after five slow miles down a pretty gnarly forest road, my reward was a secluded, quiet (once the kids on ATVs wrapped up for the evening) spot next to a creek.

Day 010a: Let’s Get Started on Doing All Those Awesome Things I Suggested

Pic: You clean up pretty nice. North Guardian Angel from Northgate Peaks Overlook, Zion NP, UT. (Much) larger image

Finally set foot inside Zion with a quick four mile out-and-back to Northgate Peaks Overlook. I’d had a few tantalizing glimpses of Zion’s treasures from the road, but this was my first real peek at the famous architecture. #NotBad

And since my crowd avoidance strategy was keeping me out of the main canyon until Monday, I expected the views would only get better.

Day 009b: No Stairway? Denied!

Pic: To be fair, it probably would have been full by the time I got here anyway. Lava Point CG, Zion NP, UT

My longer-than-planned stay in the relative luxury of Las Vegas had me rolling into the US’s 5th most popular national park on a Friday evening — not exactly Plan A. My research surfaced a couple camping possibilities away from the likely-busy Kolob Canyons and the 100%-certain-to-be-mobbed main canyon. After a gigantic carnitas burrito in St. George, I took a poorly-marked left off of UT-9 and headed for the narrow connective tissue between Zion’s hemispheres.

A quick detour down some well-maintained hardpack led me to the inexplicably closed Lava Point Campground. I expressed my feelings about this discovery in the picture above and pressed on to Kolob Reservoir. I crept around the good but worsening road that meandered along the shore, looking for a viable spot to set up camp. If I couldn’t find something up here, I’d have to backtrack to the highway and find space in an overcrowded commercial campsite or overpriced motel.

After a couple of mildly technical sections, I arrived at a non-trivial pool covering the breadth of the road. Campsite-less and perhaps a bit carelessly, I studied the obstacle, lined up, and plunged ahead. The water was deeper and the bottom muddier than I anticipated, but with a little luck, a little skill[1], and that legendary Subaru All-Wheel Drive[2], Isa made it through without a problem (as long as you don’t consider wheel wells filled with mud to be a problem).

[1] The “skill” here is keeping even pressure on the gas, making small adjustments, and keeping the front end in front of the back end. Put another way: jus’ keep goin’.

[2] Subaru, give me free stuff!

The surprise mud pit turned out to be a blessing. Combined with an aspen that had fallen across the road further south, it shielded a pair of campsites from the RVers, kayakers, and anglers who were up here getting an early start on the weekend.

And rightfully so. As a Southern California boy, when I hear “reservoir” I imagine a concrete-banked expanse of brownish-green water bounded by an asphalt multi-use path. Kolob Reservoir was… not like that:

Day009bKolobReservoirPano

Pic: Still a little snow hiding out under the ridges, above 9000′. Kolob Reservoir, UT

I set up camp, then watched in awe as an osprey circled, stalled into a vertical dive, plucked a fish out of the water, and flew away on a half-dozen beats of its enormous wings.

Later, I heard another vehicle braving the sippy hole. A Jeep emerged and occupied the other protected site. I chatted with the pilot, a twentysomething fisherman I’d seen trying his luck earlier, while he chopped firewood. I learned that his name was Derek, he lived in St. George, loved the Zion area, and was a “conservative libertarian”. I introduced myself as a “socialist hippie”. We got along famously. He shared his fire and knowledge about the area. I gave him some bread when he realized he’d forgotten to bring buns to go with his campfire-roasted brats. We discussed his observation that Nevada was perhaps the most libertarian of the fifty states, yet almost all of its land is owned by the Federal government. As I bid him good evening and headed for bed, he produced a guitar and sang Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Simple Man” in a tenor that was surprisingly sweet for a libertarian.

Overall, a pretty good start to an exploration of Utah’s crown jewel.

Day 008b: Sleep Now in the Fire

Pic: The agents of orange, perhaps. Valley of Fire SP, NV

The word of the day is atlatl. Atlatl!

I was prepared to be underwhelmed by Valley of Fire after a lackluster drive to the entrance area. But somewhere around the narrows of the White Dome Loop hike, I became whelmed. It’s like nearby Red Rock NCA (where I cut my teeth on desert hiking during the Vegas years) only bigger and weirder. Sandstone!

I felt like kind of a warm weather wuss after getting worn out from fifteen minutes of mild bouldering in Mouse’s Tank (and BTW what a terrific place to (allegedly) hide from a posse — that’s some Monkey Wrench Gang shit.) But then Isa’s thermometer said 95F and I was like that’s actually pretty hot. Also I failed pretty hard at hydrating. Water!

I didn’t exactly plan it this way (least necessary disclaimer ever?) but dinner ended up being grocery store chicken strips and donuts. Smith’s!

Day 008a: The Call is Coming from Inside the Hotel!

Pic: Symmetry is creepy. The Orleans, Las Vegas, NV

As I lay in my gambling-subsidized bed contemplating the next phase of my journey, the room phone rang. “Uh, hello?”

“Hi, this is security.” (Uh-oh, what’d I do…) “We noticed that you’ve had the ‘Do Not Distrub’ sign on your door for a few days and just wanted to make sure everything is okay.”

Las Vegas: where using the same two towels for four days is a potential emergency.

Day 006: Searchin’ for My Lost Bucket of Salt

Pic: Talk about mud flaps, my drink’s got it. Walmart, Las Vegas, NV

I surveyed one Tyler and two friends of Tyler. Top five answers are on the board.

What are your favorite parts of this product?

5. Dispensa-Rita®, liquor maid! Where would I be without you?

4. Big Bucket (“Then it’s not just a clever name”) and Premium — that’s a marriage made in Walmart (h/t @dabizomb)

3. Master of Mixes is pulling your strings / Twisting your limes and salting your rims

2. Is this product marketed to alcoholic doomsday preppers? (h/t @mpricer)

1. In the highly-competitive margarita bucket market, I’d hate to be America’s second-favorite. (Actually, they finished second in the polling, after “What?”)

Day 005: You Get *Four* Cards

Pic: Vegas-area limit poker enthusiasts should be able to pinpoint this location to within a few feet. Las Vegas, NV

My plan was to take a break from walking by staying in Vegas for a few nights. It didn’t take long to remember that was a stupid idea. The Donald Trump-sized blister on my foot was not amused with the endless hallway that lead to my room. (It was quiet down on the corner, however, so worth the prolonged limp.)

Long ago, I lived here in the desert and played poker regularly. I don’t miss either of those things, but I enjoy visiting now and then — especially in a poker market with enough density to support a few non-Holdem games. Vegas is one of those markets and The Orleans is the last bastion of Omaha/8 in the valley. Omaha/8, if you don’t know, is just like Holdem except you get more cards, the pot is split between the best hand and the worst hand, and it is only played by people born before or during the Coolidge administration.

The poker room at the Orleans — catering, presumably, to the blue-haired regulars that keep the games running — had Fox News on one of the TVs, covering the West Virginia primaries. They had some WV legislator talking about how the only candidate he could support was Trump because Trump is for coal, which he called “the most sustainable energy source”. I chuckled aloud (you keep using that word…), but everyone thought I was laughing at the flop action on an 865 rainbow board.

Day 004: Like Being Low

Pic: Badwater Basin, lowest point in North America. (Much) larger image

I don’t know what I thought Death Valley would be like, but it was not what I expected. Even as an experienced desert recreationalist I was blown away by the varied and stunning views from Aguereberry Point, Artists Drive, and Zabiskie Point as well as the contrast between snow in the morning and Badwater Basin an hour away: hot, barren salt flats covering the lowest point in North America.

After a long day of driving between these short excursions, I was surprisingly pleased to re-enter civilization (for values of “civilization” that include Pahrump and Las Vegas), if only because it promised a trip to In-N-Out.

GreatBasinCollaredLizard

Pic: Meeting the locals. Great basin collared lizard